The burning desire to prove our worth is one that’s embedded within us from childhood.

From the moment we’re born, we’re primed to seek approval from others – our parents, our siblings, our friends, our adversaries, even strangers.

That urge stays with us most of our lives. But, why?

“It makes us feel valued, liked, accepted, and loved,” says psychotherapist Karen Phillip.

“When we have approval of others, even those we do not know, we generate a feeling of confidence within ourselves as a recognised, worthy person.”

Approval fills our emotional cup, so to speak, our need to be recognised and accepted.

Despite our levels of happiness or successes, this need for approval can remain one of our main priorities throughout our lives.

If we don’t receive the validation we crave, says Dr Phillip, we may turn inward, and start to question our self-worth.

“It doesn’t matter if we have a good job, money or even success, we are all human beings and have similar emotions,” she says.

“We all want and need approval and acceptance regardless of success.”

More often than not, when we think about success, we’re referring to a job, a qualification, or measurable performance.

Approval and acceptance from others are different though. They’re about feelings, not facts. So, while we may feel proud of our success, we may still feel like a failure as a person, partner, or parent.

“Imposter syndrome is defined as doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud or imposter,” says Dr Phillip, explaining a phenomenon that affects many of us, predominantly women.

“It affects those who find it difficult to accept their accomplishments. There are lots of situations that can trigger these feelings and this is exacerbated when the individual is feeling critiqued or evaluated by others.”

In the modern world, critique comes in all forms - sometimes when and how we least expect it.  Thanks to the internet, we can receive criticisms quickly via email, or publicly via social media.

“Hearing or reading negative comments can result in the person feeling less confident, lowering their feelings of self-worth and reducing their self-esteem,” says Dr Phillip.

“If you allow it.”

This is where things become tricky. Even the most confident of people can feel undermined by external negativity.

“Regardless of truth, words affect us by elating or damaging us,” says Dr Phillip.

“We often feel we have no control in changing the person’s mind or opinion. We become confused and distressed as to the reason they think and feel as they do, then we start questioning ourselves as the reason they think or feel this way about us - when truth be known, they may be jealous or just want us to feel as bad as they currently do.”

Throw cyberbullying into the mix, and things become even more murky.

“When hurtful comments are made via social media, the victim feels helpless behind the faceless bully. Regardless of whether we believe the comments to be untrue, we become fearful of what others might think.

“What we need to ask ourselves though is: ‘so what’?,” explains Dr Phillip.

“So what if my nose is big, my bottom is round, my chest is flat, my hair is dry, etc.

“So what?

“It is what we think and feel about ourselves that is the only important thing to care about.”

But, it’s easier said than done. Taking control of our own self-worth takes work and dedication, Dr Phillip says.

“Getting a balance is essential. Worrying about superfluous issues is time and energy wasting, helps no one, and adds to our stress, and for what reason?”

Dr Phillip says the first step is recognising that the self-doubt you’re feeling is temporary.

“Once you take a deep breath, remind yourself of who and what you are, look around at what you do, who is there, and your worth as a human being - then self-worth should start escalating again.”

If these steps don’t work, then it’s worth considering external hep.

“Often counselling, especially hypnotherapy, is amazing to help us re-adjust our negative self-talk which can be a human’s most advantageous or most damaging feature,” Dr Phillip says.

“If you notice your self-talk has deteriorated substantially. Stop it – flip it, to become more positive and you will eventually start re-believing in yourself.

“Mix this with hypnosis to adjust the unconscious mind, you will nail it very fast, and no one will ever impact you to that degree ever again and why? Because you won’t allow it.”

Dr Phillip says it comes down to cause and effect.

“There is cause (other people’s opinions) then effect (negative self-talk).

“We only have effect if we allow it. If you won’t allow it to affect you – guess what – it can’t.

“Remember, you are in control,”